see you again

It has been 2.5 month since we met in September.
You didn’t change much, except that you became more considerate.
The trip, 3 days and 4 nights, was so short.
However, when I saw you, hugged you and kissed you, I knew it was worth it.
How nice it is to meet you this year, not too early, not too late.

Because –
If it happened too early, we could have less chance to plan future for us together.
If it happened too late, we could have settled down separately and missed each other in time and space.

periodic depression

I guess the periodic depression is directly triggered by the lack of sleep.

However, the periodic depression is caused by some deep reasons, such as the inefficient communication with ZC, the frustrating failure in the experiments and the uncertainty about the future.

I have to step back each time when I felt that I was too involved in the relationship with ZC. Only by this way could I wait him for a while so that hopely he can catch me up later. These kinds of halt were painful which make me understand the pain suffered by those who loved me despairfully before.

The pains may be the lesson given by the world, which will help me to understand myself better. I still can handle it at this stage. This is the advantage of age from one side of view. Sometimes I am wondering if I can handle these kinds of difficulties at my younger age. I feliciate myself on the situation that I encounter this affair at this moment instead of early time. Because I have better abilities to deal with the difficulties successfully and reach the happy ending finally.

To ZC

1,暂时看不到将来,ok;暂时不来电,ok;成长需要时间。
2,对当下的态度是最重要的。如果不用心,如果不肯付出感情,那么就不会有成长。
3,我期望的感情是两个人的共同扶持共同成长,是互相看透还能互相喜欢。
4,我是对你有好感,这是感情,不是压力。
5,把太多问题放在一起考虑会让事情更加复杂。请你尝试简化。
6,打开心灵,给我一个机会,也给自己一个机会。

一年·破局

事情真是充满巧合啊,隔了一年,再回来写点啥,发现刚好356人访问过这个blog。
今年30了,生日期间为一段感情纠结。今晚洗澡的时候忽然想通了(当然,但愿是permanently想通)。
那就是,不要忘记自己最初的期待和愿望:
我所期待的,是一份健康的、有未来的、两个人共同成长和积极的感情。
而不是纠结的、既不能享受现在又要担心未来的、缺少生命张力的感情。
所以呢,我要想明白自己的需要,站在那个人旁边陪伴其成长。
陪伴其成长,既不能过于push对方成长,又不能对对方的growing pain过度反应。

在两人关系里,总有一个更坚定的、能看到两个人的将来、和拥有着强大内心的那个。
我只有自己努力,去适应这个角色,成长起来。
要有一颗强大的内心,as always.
我有明珠一颗, 久被尘劳关锁, 今朝尘尽光生, 照破山河万朵。
此番感悟,要感谢商同学、黄同学和王师姐。

有些人

有些人有着负面的人格,显达时矫情,挫折时祥林嫂。
有些人觉得来自别人的关爱和帮助是理所当然的。
敬而远之是最佳的处理方式。

要有一颗强大的内心

Faint heart never won fair lady.

Grow up

I need grow up soon.
I should grow up well enough 10 years ago but I haven’t.
The past 10 years are like a long period of winter within my lifecycle.

Responsibility become a real issue to my life as well as the ability of time management.
Hurry up.

周遭

认识的两个女生,她们变成单亲母亲。
两个我都见过,一个说自己个性和我很像,一个糊里糊涂做了很久的网友。

认识的一个女生,在毕业时候急性白血病去世。
虽然同学三年,但是连名字和人都对不上。

认识的一个女生,据说跳楼了。
那是十五年前的同学了吧,样子还记得。

知道的一个师姐,在博士论文提交以后自杀。
自杀以后才知道,原来上学路上经常打照面的那个人就是她。

之前的一个师姐,遭遇车祸,上一次知道消息的时候据说有成为植物人的可能。
还算比较熟吧,虽然毕业以后再无联系。

说来好像都是女生的事情。
仔细想想,好像除了很久以前一个要好的男生溺亡,一个做过同座的男生离婚,其他人都还好吧?
可能各有各的处境,但是都在过各自的生活。
那些不联系的朋友,就默认他们都是幸福的吧。

题目叫周遭,但是前面这些好像和周遭并无关系。
自己像是住在琥珀里面的蚂蚁,周遭是从来没 ……

青春片

看了几部,《pk.com.cn》、《蓝色大门》、《十三棵泡桐》和《盛夏光年》。

有朋友懒,问情节,又问结局。

告之情节,但是说起结局……

只能告诉她,青春片没有结局,或者说有,只有一个结局,就是长大了。

《pk.com.cn》

结局挺温暖的,于是更加伤感。
因为季银川总是要死的,张文礼才是生活的常态。

季银川是不羁的,叛逆的,自由的,激情的和永远年轻的。
每个年轻过的人,心里都有过一个季银川吧?

我呢?已经老去,从未年轻。
还有机会找到自己的季银川么?

还是说,我一直戴着张文礼的面具,
在心里深处囚禁着自己的季银川?

酸话题今天到此为止。

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