琐事

今天聊天,也许是烦恼太多,伊忽然说了一些颇没有意思的话,比如如果拿不到签证就放弃了,反正来加也没有什么事情之类的。这话听上去还是挺刺耳的,不过我居然也没纠缠这些细节,而是听伊抱怨,然后安抚伊。我自己知道这种刺耳的东西我还没消化掉,只是刻意忽略而已。

不过目前来说,我还是很渴望做一个从容和坚定的人。大约这种自我成长的渴望和对伊的关心压过了若干对伊不成熟的挑剔。

emotions fluctuate again

because of lack of sleep of course

a happy moment

I always remembered that you laughed when talking with me on the phone. You were laughing at your colleagues. That laugh sounded so happy. Each time when I remembered this scene, I hope that I can make you so happy one day.

09年

09年的主题词是爱与成长。

09年1月-3月,想法是对旧有思维模式的延续,对将来的打算还是“对大环境的被动妥协”。这种已经长达十年的被动,让自己对身边的人封闭了自己的心灵,丧失了爱的能力。结果自然是过于关注自身的得失,变得不近人情和自私自利。

09年4月,想通了一些问题,感情之门也随之打开。

我曾经规劝过一个遇到情感问题不能自拔的人,也曾经责备过另外一个人过于情绪化。结果他/她都说过一句类似的话,那就是“你能保持平稳心态只是因为你没有经历过真正的爱情。如果你遇到一个这样的人,你也会像我这样。”第一个人说这话的时候,我心里很不屑,觉得他内心太脆弱才被情绪所掌控所左右;第二个人说这话的时候,却让我百感交集——屡次因为没感觉而分手,造就了一种遗憾,一种总是被书里电影里的感情感动,却没有亲身经历过的遗憾,一种青春白白度过的遗憾。

09年,我终于遇到了一个人,给我带来了很多新鲜的体验: ……

calming heart for resuscitation

I did nothing in the long weekend except playing games and watching movies while I still had a lot of work to be finished and some personal issues. However, I released some pressure and tried to deal with it calmly. Hope everything goes smoothly in 2010.

Love

I am not quitting loving you, but I decide to love myself a little bit more.

the distance

I dunno how long the distance is between us. The physical distance may be easily measured using the google earth while the mental distance is something crucial and hard to handle.

Are you still not that into me? ZC

see you again

It has been 2.5 month since we met in September.
You didn’t change much, except that you became more considerate.
The trip, 3 days and 4 nights, was so short.
However, when I saw you, hugged you and kissed you, I knew it was worth it.
How nice it is to meet you this year, not too early, not too late.

Because –
If it happened too early, we could have less chance to plan future for us together.
If it happened too late, we could have settled down separately and missed each other in time and space.

periodic depression

I guess the periodic depression is directly triggered by the lack of sleep.

However, the periodic depression is caused by some deep reasons, such as the inefficient communication with ZC, the frustrating failure in the experiments and the uncertainty about the future.

I have to step back each time when I felt that I was too involved in the relationship with ZC. Only by this way could I wait him for a while so that hopely he can catch me up later. These kinds of halt were painful which make me understand the pain suffered by those who loved me despairfully before.

The pains may be the lesson given by the world, which will help me to understand myself better. I still can handle it at this stage. This is the advantage of age from one side of view. Sometimes I am wondering if I can handle these kinds of difficulties at my younger age. I feliciate myself on the situation that I encounter this affair at this moment instead of early time. Because I have better abilities to deal with the difficulties successfully and reach the happy ending finally.

To ZC

1,暂时看不到将来,ok;暂时不来电,ok;成长需要时间。
2,对当下的态度是最重要的。如果不用心,如果不肯付出感情,那么就不会有成长。
3,我期望的感情是两个人的共同扶持共同成长,是互相看透还能互相喜欢。
4,我是对你有好感,这是感情,不是压力。
5,把太多问题放在一起考虑会让事情更加复杂。请你尝试简化。
6,打开心灵,给我一个机会,也给自己一个机会。

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