a touching episode

忽然想起,下面的这个桥段,有点《倾城之恋》里面范柳原和白流苏因为生死不知,而一瞬间互相信任看透的意味。

以下摘抄:

他日益壮大塞满我胸膛时,我有了不一样的打算。我不愿一夜之欢,我要长久
一点,甚至更长更久一点。我要,生意不成情意在。我要把我们的关系复杂化,把
他绞缠到我的生活网络里, 盘结错综。是的爱情两造,我要加重天平这端我的砝
码,即使性关系没有了,我们还有其它的关系。

我接近他,如临深渊,如履薄冰。我明白了永桔描述我的酷是,戴维斯的小喇
叭音色行走于蛋壳之上。我毫不躁进,恰像经上所言,不要惊动,不要叫醒我所爱
的,等他自己情愿。

他的从不戴手表,稚气单眼皮,一组相机挂在胸前已成身体一部份,他的视器。
他望车流久久,似乎在想怎么收回允诺,婉谢掉我的邀约,这个他亦太舍不得放弃
的邀约。

我一点不急,静悄等候。我惊讶自己的泱泱大度。

他说了。 ……

break-up

He set me free. It is a nice move of his to finish the long, painful and unhealthy relationship.

I do think that during the whole relationship process, he did this most nobly and responsibly.

Now I feel released and start to move on.

Hope he can figure out his life in future and be happy, with or without my help.

about D

D is from the other continent. We are dealing with the same project and have lunch together mostly. I never thought that D was special until he came to tell me about that. However, if I looked back carefully I could trace some unique characters on him such as he was very considerable and sensitive. I applaud him for his courage and happy life which he deserve.
I shared some secrets with him today and the conversation released me a lot from my pressure and helped me a lot for dealing with the puzzle. He kindly encourage me in holding hope for the happy life in future. However, he didn’t has an optimistic view of my current relationship.
I shared this story to ZC tonight. He didn’t respond but tried to change the subject. However, he did show his opinion by an obvious way that he didn’t wanna discuss nor has a clear mind about the future. I am trying to grow up but he would rather stay where he is. I guess maybe D and other friends’ opinion are right, but …

disgusting

Suddenly I feel the weak and emotional character lingering in my heart is disgusting. I am the person who want to have a strong heart, so why bothered by the trifles? Be positive and steady, for your own sake.

Never boggle at a difficulty

I think I start to distrust you gradually. As you stopped contacting with me in last October, you said that you could not do that because your cellphone was out of battery. As you asked me to call you today but didn’t pick up the phone, you said that it was because your cellphone was out of battery, again.

You just don’t understand. The reason why I was upset is not because you could not make it, but because you didn’t care. You can simply tell me on the msn that your cellphone was out of battery instead of letting me wait without doing anything.

You just treat me without proper respect.

恋爱是一个考验内心的试炼场,它让人心变得柔软,也会让人心脆弱的地方无所遁形。我想也许放弃你,才能让自己的内心更加强大,才能不再被你无责任的态度所左右。但是……

update

I have almost finished the writing of one paper. It is painful, but it is worth it. I learned a lot during the writing process.

I searched literature this afternoon and felt that I became steady during the searching process. The tide of emotion is out.

I read some friends’ blog and found that their devotion to science are so ardent. I should make friends with people who have good character and learn from them.

redikulus

redikulus: A spell that you say to a boggart when you want it to turn into something funny.

Sometimes I wish that there do have some spells by which you can turn something formidable into something funny, something glossy into something ugly, or something apparent into something true.

I know you are narcissistic, peacockish, egocentric, weak and shallow, but I cannot cast that spell on you, yet.

利用

“利用”这个词挺负面的,一如此刻的情绪。
伊take advantage of me, 差不多就是需要讨主意的时候,或者感到无聊的时候,联系一下。
我不是不知道伊的自私自恋,只是还有感情放不开。
也不知道这种单方面的感情还能走多远,不过也差不多push到极限了。
马上要满一年之期了,到时候,该给自己一个了断。

kinky nightmare

I dreamed that my mom saw my digital photo frame displaying a photo about a person and me. hehe

I am cool; so are we

The focus shifts to work.

web
analytics Map